Changing Behavior - Focus on what you want not what you don't want

Slate has a good article on changing people's behavior.  This article is about children's behavior but most of the ideas apply just as well to a 40 year old as a 4 year old.

You begin by deciding what you want the [person] to do, the positive opposite of whatever behavior you want to stop. The best way to get rid of unwanted behavior is to train a desirable one to replace it. ...

Then you tell the [person] exactly what you would like him to do. ...

Whenever you see ... what you would like, or even something that's a step in the right direction, you not only pay attention to that behavior, but you praise it in specific terms ...

If you don't see enough of the desirable behavior, then you can work on it using simulation ... Your objective is to arrange for as much reinforced practice as possible, ...  A brief but intensive period featuring lots of reinforced practice, often somewhere between a couple of weeks and a month, can make long-lasting or even permanent changes in ... behavior.

Going ballistic never helps, but explanation aimed at improving ... understanding can actually play a useful part in this approach. When combined with reinforced practice, explanation has been proven to speed up the acquisition of behavior.